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Welcome 
Introductions and beginnings have always been my weak point, even as an aspiring writer I find myself sitting for days trying to think of a good introduction to a story, so please forgive me as I muddle through the beginning of this web page. I am going to refer to myself as lady one, although I am certain you are probably aware that is not actually my name. My reason for doing this is simply because this website is my story of silicone breast implants and I am from Michigan, the home State of Dow Corning. And yes, Dow Corning is the manufacturer of my implants. If you have been doing some looking around at other silicone (and even saline) implant websites you have probably noticed an errie similarity in the symptoms of these women. But while each of us is alike in many respects of our illness, each is different. I suspect in part, this may be due to some factors such as, how long the implants have been in, if they have ruptured or are leaking, the initial health of the individual, and even the "phase" of the illness itself. I am persuaded this illness goes in cycles and phases. If you have managed to reach this point by now, I will assume I have your attention and you are interested in listening, perhaps you have implants yourself and are looking for some kind of confirmation to your own health dilemma, maybe you are simply thinking about getting implants...what ever the case may be, I am glad you're here.
My silicone gel implants were placed in 1978 when I was 20 years old. I remember how excited I was about getting the implants, it almost seemed like I was a little girl again, awaiting Christmas time. I had made an appointment with a plastic surgeon I had picked out of the telephone book. I looked forward to the consultation date and was so happy when it came.I remember sitting on the exam table as the surgeon brought in a silicone implant for me to take a look at. I turned the goop filled bag over in my hand and gave it a squeeze, I could feel the clear silicone sort of "mush" under my fingers. I listened to the surgeon explain the surgical process to me as I continued squeezing the silicone filled bag. I interupted his explanation of incisions under each breast.."you mean to tell me this thing will never break?" I asked looking right into the young face of the surgeon. "It will never break" he assured me in an almost authorative tone. Well, he was the doctor and I believed he certainly must know what he was talking about. My surgery was scheduled and I went home and anxiously counted the days.
Finally the big day arrived I had been waiting for. I was admitted to the hospital (I had to go in the day before, that was how it was done then) and some basic blood tests and urine test were done. I was so excited I couldn't sleep that night, but it wasn't fear...I had no fear, of course I had no sense at that young age either. I believed I was going to be beautiful at last, I now regret I never realized I already was beautiful. It's funny how low self-esteem can cause us to settle for so little and permit others to tell us how we ought to look or what we ought to be.
I was wheeled into the operating room. The anesthesiologist entered and administered the anesthetic into the IV an RN had begun a short time earlier. When I awoke, I had a "girdle type" of device on my chest, the thing was extremely tight and reminded me a little bit of a life jacket with it's front zipper. Two tubes hung out from under the mini straight jacket and emptied fluid from my breasts into a bag. These tubes were drains to prevent blood from accumulating around the implants. It hurt a little, but I didn't mind because my breasts were large and full, even with that tight straight jacket on, there was no denying it! And I was thrilled. I seem to recall I had to wear that girdle type device about 3 weeks, until things healed but I didn't mind, I was very happy with my new breasts. Little did I suspect then , the nightmare that was waiting for me just a few years up the road.
After the allotted time for healing after the implant surgery, I finally was permitted to remove the "chest girdle" and go to shop for new bras. My breasts "looked" beautiful, but they didn't feel so beautiful. The implants felt like a couple of baseballs covered by my own breast tissue. Since not enough time had gone by for me to have developed any heavy duty scar tissue, I believe the surgeon didn't make the "pocket" big enough,(in retrospect) the silicone could not relax , constricted, it stayed in a type of ball. Did I mention I had no sense? I thought this was normal, I thought implants just "did" that. Though I did have my reservations about hugging anyone. So, I said nothing. My surgeon had said nothing to me of hardness or the fact that this was not actually normal. I could not sleep on my stomach even slightly, but I adjusted.
About two years after I had had the implants I began to lose my hair, the loss was noticable, even some co-workers at the hospital where I worked then, had mentioned to me how wide my part was getting (I even have a small bald spot (quarter sized)on the top of my head). To say I was embarrassed and alarmed would be an understatement. My hair was getting thinner and thinner. Upset, I went to my family doctor who promptly told me it was just stress and anxiety, well I didn't have any significant stress or anxiety until my hair started falling out!! He told me it would quit and to relax. I was 22 years old, a woman and I was going bald!! My god!! Well, the hair loss did not quit, so I went to a dermatologist, he did some blood tests, told me everything was fine and chalked it up to "nerves"..I have come to realize in the years since ,the medical term "nerves" in reality means "I don't have a clue and I don't want to be bothered with you."
I went to yet another dermatologist who also could find nothing wrong, the problem with these doctors was, they were not checking my hormones, they were not checking for anti-bodies...they were doing a standard CBC which always came back normal. I don't know if they even had a clue on what to look for. The implants were not even mentioned. I had no idea it could be the implants. I tried perming my hair and even changed my part to camaflouge the loss. It helped for awhile, but it was only a temporary remedy.
Finally, embarrased by the comments I was getting at work and now having such thin scraggly hair, I started wearing wigs. And I hated it! It was like having a hat on your head all the time, the wig was hot and very uncomfortable.I would look in the mirror at what was happening to my long silky hair and I would feel just sick! the tears would stream down my face as I would look at my beautiful silky locks coming out by the handfuls in the sink and in my hairbrush. My hair even stopped growing at a normal rate, it grew much slower. Since that time it has made attempts to grow back, but has never ever looked the same as it did before the implants, I wear hair extensions now, which are far more comfortable then the wigs, but I sure do miss my own hair and styling it the way I want to. Needless to say, what was happening to my hair was NOT normal, and I would like to point out, if it were, almost all of the population would lose a significant amount of their hair when stressed or troubled.
It was about the time my hair was falling out( very shortly after the onset) a strange green discharge began to ooze out of both breasts. In the years that followed, each time I was ill or demonstrated some new bizarre symptom this discharge would show up, it was almost like the equipment used to detect an earthquake. I was convinced I had breast cancer (never even considering the implants) I went back to the doctor who checked the discharge for blood, but there was no blood. He told me he had no idea what it could be, and decided it was my nerves. Now, I am NOT kidding! He told me not to worry about it. I started questioning my sanity..my god, did my mind really have enough power to start giving me these weird symptoms?
My joints began to hurt, especially my knees, I started living on aspirin. I just didn't feel well at all, and to top it all off the doctor thought I was losing my mind. Did I dare go about my joints? I decided it probably was just my nerves too....(did I mention I had no sense?)
Finally after about a year the breast discharge stopped, my hair didn't seem to be falling out as much, but it was very thin, and my joints felt better. I didn't feel great, but I did feel better, it was short lived and I couldn't figure any of it out.
In the five years that had followed the first episode I began having alot of problems with my bladder, hemoragic cystitis, that is where the bladder bleeds, and eventually I ended up with pyelonphrenitis in my kidneys, things got so bad I was about a breath away from losing my left kidney which had absessed. The breast discharge was making an appearence once again. I had had two cystoscopy's where the uretha is dialated, the second one left me without good control of my bladder, now if I cough or laugh I lose urine and while that may not be life threatening, it is very embarassing. I had a constant fever....and the doctors were pumping me full of anti-biotics....I started developing allergies to the anti-biotics, an allergy to penicillin would land me in the hospital with anaphylaxsis. My face was beet red and my lip was huge from swelling, my throat had also begun to swell, I was full of huge welts (hives), and I was in danger of shock. I was in the hospital for two weeks because I kept reacting...the doctors were running enough steroids to treat an elephant..finally they decided to call in a specialist who also was utterly stumped. They treated me with steroids for about a month and finally things got better, but I had hives for a year after that. I lived on benadryl, I think my body was just so confused from the silicone that was leaking into it, the immune system was just over-reacting.
Shortly after that I started getting rashes I could not get rid of on my face and hands ..the hand rashes were so bad it bled and my skin would get huge blisters and cracks...I was miserable, I couldn't even bend my hand without bleeding. I was given some topical steroids for it ,which didn't work, finally the doctor said he was giving me the strongest thing they had, another topical steroid with one of those long impressive spellings.....and it did help quite a bit.
The breast discharge came back and so did the joint pain....several doctors could not figure out what the discharge was..I kept getting passed around like a hot potato...they didn't want to be bothered with me and none could figure out what was wrong..''Dr. so and so' would send me to 'Dr.. such and such' who would send me to 'Dr this and that' and so on and so forth. Finally they gave me some medication for arthritis and basically told me to have a nice day.
The joint pain seemed to come and go, once in awhile my joints were red, but I just took the arthritis meds and dealt with it.
And so it went, joint pain and the breast discharge which was making an occasional appearence. I didn't feel very well, But I was handling it. I was not prepared for my next bout with silicone which in my opinion was the most frightening.
I believe I had learned of the dangers of silicone breast implants in about 1992, I remember a talk show where several women were speaking of their illnesses from silicone. I also remember my mouth just about hitting the floor as I stood motionless staring in horror at the television set. The past few years and all the mystery that had surrounded it was now coming into focus for the first time. I felt like I had caught the culprit in the cookie jar...it was silicone....I couldn't believe it...it was to incredible to even comprehend. I am not a big TV fan by any means and if I didn't believe in God, I probably would tell you it was pure coincidence I happen to catch that talk show...however, because I do believe in God, I will tell you, I think it was God trying to give me an answer and a warning. After all I had been through I had not considered getting my implants removed yet.
In 1993 my husband and I had purchased a new home out in the country. It was nothing elborate just a small double wide trailer on about 12 acres of land. I love animals, in fact you could say I think critters are among God's greatest of blessings to us and I had an array of them.
If you have ever made a move you know all the packing, unpacking, finding a place to put everything and all the stuff that goes along with it. We moved in, in the middle of august, my husband went to work and I began the task of unpacking boxes. I wasn't feeling well, I had a fever and my joints hurt. I told myself to "get over it" and popped about 4 aspirins.( I was out of the arthritis meds)
I picked up an armload of clothes and began making my way down the narrow hall of the doublewide trailer when all of a sudden out of the blue the strangest feeling came over me, I felt disoriented and unsteady, and suddenly bang...I hit the floor sending the clothes in all directions. Sitting up , I could feel my hands trembling..."what was that?' I whispered in a terrified tone...I felt weird...and afraid. I tried to get to my feet but I couldn't get my balance. We had no phone yet, our closest neighbor was a quarter mile away and my husband was at work. I sat on the floor trying to get my wits. I must have sat there about a half an hour, when as mysteriously as the bizarre feeling had come..it left.
"I must just be tired is all" I consoled myself...yes, that must be it. I mentioned it to my husband when he got home later that night, he had a bit of an alarmed look on his face "but I think it's because I'm just tired" I consoled. he helped me finish the unpacking tasks during the week.
I had enrolled in a writing school by mail, I had written a couple of books prior to that (unpublished) and had strong inspirations of being a writer. I could write poetry as well, and I knew that was the one thing I could do sitting down, I had had a knee surgery by this time and some rubbery "stuff" had been removed. I mention this because in the weeks that followed this strange "episode" I found myself not being able to remember how to spell, I couldn't remember what simple words meant when was I was trying to write. I was getting increasingly tired, and I was running a constant fever between 99.7 and 100.2... Sometimes when I would speak, my words were all jumbled up. I began to get afraid...I didn't understand...could silicone be doing THIS? I couldn't recall the talk show ladies mentioning it..in fact it was getting hard for me to recall anything.
I started sleeping alot...in fact, i think it would be fair to say, I couldn't stay awake...I had a couple more episodes like the one I just mentioned and I decided maybe I had better go to the doctor.
I called and made an appointment a few days away, I probably was just over -tired I reasoned, it probably was nothing, my mind was just racing trying to find an explanation.
The next morning I had awakened around 7 am. We we're sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor then, I can't remember why just now. I sat up from my sleeping position as my small dog ,arthur decided to do a drag race across the mattress with my other small dog, mike. I felt a little funny...but what else was new? I tried to rebuke the dogs and much to my horror ,I couldn't talk....all that omitted from my mouth were strange sounds that were supposed to be words, suddenly I couldn't move my right side. Well, I had worked in a hospital for awhile...and I knew what the symptoms of a stroke were. I could still think but I couldn't speak. O my God! I'm having a stroke...was my thoughts and I was terrified. I was at the mercy of my own body. I began to pray. I was alone out in the boonies and still waiting for the phone company to install the stupid phone, but even if I had had a phone it would have done me little good...I couldn't talk or move anyway.
I laid like that for about 3 hours all alone, and finally the symptoms gradually resolved, though I did have a little problem with speech and movement. I would learn later I had had something called a TIA (transient ischemic attack) or a "little" stroke.( it was believed I had probably had a couple of those)
I had a series of tests done .my blood test showed the PTT was twice the norm, (clotting factors) and the MRI of the brain revealed "white bright intensities" that were listed as an unspecified findings, meaning the doctors were not sure what they were. Did I have silicone in my brain now? It sure seemed to be.
The green breast discharge was back and getting darker, my fingers were turning purple, my toes were purple, the arthritis was acting up with a vengence..I had never felt so ill...and it was horrid. I lost 25 pounds without even trying.An ECG of my heart showed an enlarged right atrium...my liver was swollen and a blood test (think it was a GTT) was elevated. finally a doctor I was refered to, a rheumatologist, decided I had "some form of lupus" to quote him.
I knew in my heart it was silicone and I bee-lined it to a good plastic surgeon to have the implants removed....but alas, luck would not smile upon me. An MRI of my breasts showed the implants were badly folded, but no rupture could be detected. It was believed by the doctors the things were leaking...but because there was no detectable rupture the insurance comapany (an HMO) refused to pay for the surgery and I didn't have the money......
Now, my implants ARE ruptured and I have changed insurance companies. do I need to tell you that loose silicone is making me nervous? the arthrits is much worse, I have raynauds, and it is believed i have some kind of connective tissue disease. I am awaiting the verdict of the insurance company.....and will keep an update on this.
Believe it or not I have tried to keep this story fairly brief, but there is much more to it. Silicone gel has been nothing short of a nightmare for me....
lookingforme@z.com
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